I began my gap year in June of 2018, after graduating. June 20th, I moved into an apartment with roommates. By July, I was working full-time at my job. In September, I put money down on a car and gained two more bills. In November and December, I was losing my sanity.


     Life had become a consistent cycle of wake up, work, eat, sleep. Every now and again, I would hang out with my boyfriend. Maybe once a week I'd visit my family. My life became work and Matt. Rarely did I do anything else; and I was LUCKY if I made time for myself.
     This past January, however, has since guided me to a more fulfilling and positive direction. In January, I purchased a laptop, which inevitably set me on track for a happier life. I began blogging. I wrote up a manuscript for a book I'm looking to publish (still in the works, but I'm as excited as ever and I'm hoping to publish soon!). I looked into the art of guest posting. And I've been spending more time with myself.
     My personal hobbies were things that, for the past six months or so, I had placed on the back burner. But these passions were reawakened at the beginning of the new year. I'm much happier now that I get to read, write, study languages, watch YouTube, and binge Netflix. These simple things were so foreign to me a month ago.
     But why?
     Well, most of it had to do with my overcrammed schedule. Though, a relatively big part of it included the fact that I was lacking in motivation. I lost faith that I could live a happier life for myself. And the only way out that I could perceive was to wait five or six months until I moved to Chicago with my boyfriend.
     But I found the motivation to create my own reality.
     I've been doing a lot of reading from books by Deepak Chopra and one of his universal truths have become very clear to me in the past month: We are the makers of our own reality. If we do not like the life we are living, we are the ones who can fix it.
     My new reality consists of blogging, writing, working on my book, and spending time relaxing by myself. I have been in depression before, and though I wouldn't classify the last few months as a depressive state, they were. Depression is a state of mind, but that doesn't mean it isn't real. It's an ongoing battle and sometimes, I'm too stubborn to accept that it doesn't just disappear.
     I hated the life I was living. I did. I hated waking up, working, going home for dinner, sleeping, and repeating it all over again. And though I can't say I'm a huge fan of my unpredictable work schedule, I can admit that routine was not meant for me.
     So, how did I find the motivation to dig myself out of the rut?
     That's a hard one to answer. I didn't know I was digging until I was already halfway out of the mess I had made for myself. I bought the laptop. That was the first step. I bought the laptop, it arrived, and I was instantly welcomed into the land of opportunity. Not really. That was a trick my  mind played on me. I thought that the only way I could write and actively express myself in a productive way, was if I bought a laptop. In reality, this is not true. I could have written and worked on my manuscript from my phone or by hand.
     There were plenty of opportunities for me to begin living the life I had dreamed of before I ever bought the laptop. But I was blinded by my own sadness and motivational lack, that I couldn't see any of the opportunities that already existed before me.
     I do use my laptop a lot for my creative endeavors, however, if I were to be honest, I have written one or two blog posts on my phone alone without the aid of the computer.
     I had the technology to be successful the entire time!
     What I didn't have was faith or motivation.
     So how did I find it?
     Well, once I had the laptop, I tricked myself into believing I finally had everything necessary for me to succeed. So I began writing. The motivation just came to me and I honestly believe I always had it. I was just too lost in the belief that I was missing something to realize that.
     So I found my piece of mind through doing what I enjoy. But I could have done that at any time had I realized that I am the maker of my own reality.
     I think to be truly happy, you have to love what you're doing and how you're spending your time. I see a lot of people living lives they hate and making no effort to correct them. I was one of those people. But its so simple to correct the misconception.
     Find what you love. And do it.